|
< strings that tie to you | posted at 10:41 am on January 17, 2005 > another whirlwind week, another short, concise update which doesn't nearly express all the emotions and crap that's floating around in my head and body (and gastroinstestinal tract, no I don't mean that to sound disgusting because i used the word 'crap', i'm referring to the fact that i get ultra painful stomachaches whenever i feel strong emotions of one type or another)...so essentially this is what has happened. while i want to make sure i don't fall straight into another relationship with Door B, i decided i would wait about a week before contacting him again - because in all honesty it was my turn to make the date (he had made the previous three)... but he messaged on monday night asking if i wanted to go and see the photography exhibition at the art gallery... he wanted to go on wednesday but i delayed him till saturday. because i wasn't ready. and i'm still not ready. so on tuesday night i went to the moonlight cinema and drank wine then came home and got emotional and missed nick and cried my eyes out. and messaged him - and cried more. so he asked me out for a walk on wednesday - and we talked, and it was ok. like friends. until we started pashing and then 'one thing led to another'... i cried then too. then on thursday door B asked me for a walk and some tea (me earl grey, him peppermint) and we walked, and talked. then some guy on the street tried to hit me (yeah, I know, what the fuck?!?) and he defended me but luckily no fight broke out... and now i'm still confused and feel like a slut and i wake up now and feel like i haven't felt in ages, like i don't want to exist. not that i want to die, but that i just don't want to exist. every few minutes i change my mind, i think 'what am i doing? i should be with nick.' then i realise how much i like Door B and how i will feel like i'm missing out no matter who i choose. then sometimes i just think he's an arrogant wanker, and i'm a wanker for liking him. gah. those last five |