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< spontaneous combustion | posted at 2:24 pm on February 16, 2005 > Yesterday, in hindsight, was a wonderful, wonderful day.My art director called me up and said he recommended me for an art director position at another magazine - one I could possibly work at while still at my current magazine (freelancing/part time on both) - which is a pretty prestigious art/fashion title. He even said I'd possibly have the opportunity to redesign, which meant the whole look of the whole thing would be mine. It's very exciting. Have to call the publisher and see if the dates match up first (this dream could be smashed if deadlines clash between titles)... then I got a call from the lovely Andrew asking me to a spontaneous weekend away - which of course I accepted - so now I am going on holiday from this Friday to Sunday. Very spontaneous. Not before freaking out, of course, because pre-phone call he messaged me with 'Hey. Can you call me as soon as you get a chance?' which, of course, unearthed the paranoias that are buried when I'm with him or am talking to him, but are so very rampant when I'm away from him. I started thinking 'God, it's over. He's come to his senses. He's going to dump me. This is it. Gone. Over. Done.' and I'm freaking out so much I have to call him straight away, and that's what he comes up with. I have a work colleague with whom I discuss all love matters (and he discusses all love matters with me; it's a very good system, we got involved with our respective partners within a few days of each other, so progression levels are similar, and the girl he is dating is closer to my age than his, and the boy i am dating is closer to his age than mine. Perfect, perfect situation!), and I told him yesterday, 'I don't know if there are any two people in more secure and happy relationships in the world who are more miserable about being in them.' But thinking about it all, it was a very good day. Wasn't it? Besides the unshakeable insecurity, of course. those last five |