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< put a smile upon your face | posted at 11:24 pm on July 22, 2003 > oh, i know i only just updated today at work, but the internet is working here at home now and i am using it, joy and fun and oh right - old modem - i feel outdated enough when i'm on dialup anyway, let alone the stone age speeds of a 33.6k modem...i'm a nerd again i know i know. do you remember how i said that i had found that girl's diary online, by complete accident? (of course i have paranoia that she will find mine) she and i have a mutual (v. close) friend. and she and that mutual friend had a (slight, i suppose) falling out this morning. mutual friend and i also went to lunch today at my work... this falling out was not mentioned, and she had a bit of a rant to me about another thing - oh, the ambulance memorable night thing, about how we were all split up all night and apparently weren't looking after each other - a while ago. i read in this girl's diary that she said that everyone had disappointed her. and this irritates me as it annoys me how everyone apparently disappoints her. she is the most selfless person i know and yet i believe this is another type of selfishness, needing others to live up to her expectations. she knows they are extremely high, and i think this stems from having to fulfil such expectations all her life, by having to hold her mother up in hard times, well, all times, having to care for her brother... anyway. my point is, i don't think she should believe that everyone disappoints her. this is all i came to say. it's hard to relate, unless you know her. hard to see. and in any case, as the seemingly unemotional diary i stumbled upon has suddenly spilled these private parts of her brain, i need to stop. but it's so hard, when i know her.. it's like a drug. anyway. sleep time. i got more pressies from work - fake beard and big red t-shirt with ben lee on the front and an ad for his movie on the back. muahaha. coool. more sleepwear. but i digress. it's so hard work keeping up appearances. one day i suppose i'll just fade away, and happily so. those last five |