|
< don't ever say we're through | posted at 9:08 pm on July 23, 2003 > i don't really want to write an entry, but i will, just because.i'm shitty, i've been shitty for hours. bad mood something chronic. i was meant to go movie with ross and other university friends but i piked, as i'm in such a bad mood. short attention span got shorter as people just pissed me off by talking. kept interrupting. kept wanting to leave. kept trying to leave and actually getting shitty when people pleaded for me to stay, even in the mood. got woken again on the train by a friend saying that everyone is going over to another friend's house tonight at midnight to wake her as it's her birthday. and are giving her the present that is partly mine. i can't go. shits me that i work so much, shits me that my parents don't give me as much freedom as others, and shits me that i live so goddamn fucking far away from anyone else. shits me that i don't fit in nicely with anywhere. shits me that i worked hard to get my sister's family 21st (last week was friends) moved (how selfish i am, how selfish) for that same friend's birthday and nobody seems to understand that it was such a terribly unreasonable request on my behalf ... they all just ask for more. shits me that at work they decide to cut these 'deals' with certain industry bodies that don't seem in a monetary sense profitable at all, well, $2000 a year isn't worth all the extra work that is going to have to be done. and that the people that cut the deals aren't the ones that have to do it - it's me. it all fucking ends up on my shoulders. and that i suddenly get called into this fucking meeting having no idea what they've already finalised. i wish they'd give me a little more of a heads up. or at least, a heads up at all. shits me that i seem to get irritated by almost everyone and thing around me. shits me that i feel like i'm going nowhere, in every sense of the word. shits me that i can't get into the uts exam results site to find out if i've fucking passed the semester or not. count the swear words... those last five |