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< life barrels on like a runaway train | posted at 8:12 pm on July 07, 2003 > i think it's safe to say that i have done absolutely no work today, which is, of course, bad, because it is that time of the month again - deadline.but as you can imagine, i wasn't really in the mood to be productive. i wanted to wallow, and i had noone to tell and wallow with. for some reason i have too much pride with my close friends - i don't seem to be able to tell them how much this actually affected me - i think this is because they actually know the people involved. i just can't verbalise it, and i felt so alone today. however i think people at work realised i was upset, and one asked, i told, and when i left was told 'we love you' by one and 'sarah - smile' by another - in fact made me feel worse, this is a pattern, people caring make me feel worse. thank you all for kind words in the gbook by the way... there was a board meeting at work, all these directors who (as yet) had not met me - now have - asking about my areas of control. apparently, i handled it well, however, i wasn't prepared and i have a huge fear of speaking before people. i did receive post-meeting words of praise, which was nice. and back to life as usual - no love interests to speak of, which is all fine. i guess the events of the past week have served to provide a little action, i suppose, in terms of the monotony that it has become... i can't pretend it hasn't made me feel worse (while in practically the same position) than before, however. i don't know i just fell for it! sucked in again! righto. those last five |