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< the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had | posted at 9:28 pm on July 13, 2003 > i feel oh-so selfish. ten days ago it was my friend's birthday - yeah i remembered it was her birthday, but was then informed that she had traipsed overseas as her grandmother had died. she got back today. i tried calling her but i think she didn't want to take calls, or something, or was asleep, or barring me -- whatever. in any case. everybody knew. everybody had been keeping tabs on her. i hadn't.and another friend got back from queensland today. well, she is getting back tonight. i tried to call her, too - as last week i found out that she was going on a date with some person that she had hooked up with weeks ago - which i didn't know about. i mean, this all sounds trivial, but four of us are so close (incidentally the four of the memorable night) that we know everything about each other, everything, and now i feel so neglectful and so on. and another, despite estranged friend's 20th birthday is tomorrow and i haven't even replied to her email of two months or so. gah. i need to get on to that. oh. and i come back home after a day with the girls at breakfast and bondi markets when i am slammed (cheerfully, nonetheless) by my family, asking me what the hell i've done for my sister's 21st. which is, of course, a justified slam. so i vacuum and tidy the house a little and help her with her papier mache - she is making a pinata - remind me, is this a 21st or a 12th? - and organise some embarrassing photos to put around, making me feel less like a selfish bitch - but, er, still making me feel like a selfish bitch. for the first time in about, oh, eight months, i bumped into an old school friend today (despite the fact that i bumped into about five people from school, but that's another story). or, shall we say, 'friend'. this was at a train station, where i was changing, and another friend was getting off. incidentally this friend i bumped into was the girl who was going out with old acquaintance back in year 10 when i first met the boy. she says hi, giggles, and then starts 'hey, i heard about --' before she is cut off simultaneously with me saying 'RIGHT FOUR MINUTES TILL MY TRAIN' and my other friend saying 'er, don't talk about it'. she breaks off into giggles and from my memory, these are the condescending giggles that i recall hearing often in my high school days. and makes me think, yeah, sure, so i think i loved school, romanticised it and all, but in reality - i don't think i actually liked it much. girls like this made me not like it much. in any case. the end result is that she knows. which means, this is fucking getting around. i don't need this getting around. jesus fucking christ. i don't think i'm paranoid that people laugh at me. i don't really care, when it's goodnatured, but i do really care when it's malicious. it irritates me. oh, ah, well. righto. those last five |