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< another breach of morality | posted at 5:53 pm on October 09, 2005 > I know, I know, it's been a month. But I've been away and as soon as I got back (in fact, about 22 hours after I touched down in good ole Sydney) I had to go to work. And then I had a hellish week of deadline - however my lovely boyfriend features in this month's magazine, to my surprise and our delight - my editor didn't realise that the Andrew she was writing about was my Andrew. Lovely.Anyway, Africa was fantastic. So much to say! I've come back with a plethora of animal facts, more and more in love with A, about 800 photos (his and mine combined; about 600 are mine) and less weight. I lost 2kg. Hmm. It seems to be disappearing from the problem area (ie. tummy) so I'm not complaining! I don't want to lose any more though, I don't care what the fashion mags say, ribs sticking out is not a good look. We stayed about 10 days in Cape Town and then up for safari in Kruger Park. Climbed Table Mountain twice, bought beaded giraffe from Zimbabwean refugee, bought African mask from Senegalian woman (mask from Ivory Coast however), visited Nelson Mandela's prison on Robben Island, visited a lighthouse up the west coast one night, went whale watching, visited Cape Point and Cape of Good Hope, Kirstenbosch gardens, Signal Hill (with lovely sunset), etc etc... List of animals I saw: lions, zebra, warthog, waterbuck, impala, rhino, elephant, kudu, wildebeest, egyptian geese, tortoises, giraffe, steenbuck, franklins, dassies, two types of owl, seven million types of bird, buffalo, hippos, crocodiles, fat German tourists. There are more, I just can't remember. We found a rhino horn on one of our walks (which is very rare - they are worht about $50,000AUD on the black market according to the rangers we had with us - you have to have rangers as they carry guns and you might be stupid enough to entice a lion - and this was a very rare find - it was just sitting the middle of the desert!) leopard and cheetah footprints but alas no leopard nor cheetah... hyena poo is white. Just a little fact. More interestingly (or not, perhaps) I was at A's work sorting out all our photos and doing a 'best of' selection for dinner with his brother and mum (yesterday night) and got bored while a DVD was burning (2.7GB of photos... ummmm). So me being the bitchy stalker no-respect-for-privacy girlfriend I am, I looked in his email. *pause* Did I leave enough time for you to damn me all to hell? Yes? Good. Anyway. So I did, I looked. Mainly because he sorts all his email into folders and there is a folder with his ex-girlfriend's name and I just get lumped into 'Personal'. I mean come on! Where's my folder? That's what I was thinknig when I opened up her folder (A had left to drop someone home)... anyway I find an email received a week before we left on our holiday. The gist was mainly 'I can't live my life without you, I still love you, I miss sharing my experiences with you' etc. This was the first email received after June, when she had cut off contact as she was still in love with him and couldn't speak to her for her own good. He had replied on the night before we left, saying that he didn't know what to write, that he had to write something before he left, and 'this may all hurt'. Said 'i've met someone and i'm in love with her. we are leaving tomorrow for overseas for 3 weeks.' then bits about how he was sorry, 'it's been a while, and i am happy.' bits about 'you can still tell me about what is going on, i always want to hear how you are going.' he said he was sorry if it was insensitive, he was never good at gauging people's feelings. my heart was beating so fast, adrenaline was pumping through my veins, i couldn't believe what i was doing or what i was reading. she wrote 'it feels like i've been stabbed in the heart with a blunt knife.' she asked how it could be possible that he was in love again so soon (however, they did break up over a year ago). she said she obviously always loved him more than he loved her. she said she didn't know what to do. she sent an email straight after saying sorry. she didn't know how to react. she was surprised but she still loves him and to love someone is wanting them to be happy. and if everything didn't happen, she wouldn't be living overseas, and she's happy overseas ('not exactly in love, but happy in general'). and she hoped he had a great trip. such a strange feeling was coursing through me. i'll never do that again, no matter how bored i am - it was a stupid thing to do and a massive invasion of privacy and it's bad that i have this information, i shouldn't know that that happened. that's between him and her. i feel guilty but validated. her ghost still haunts me, but less. i feel sorry for her, in some ways i feel like i can almost feel her pain - because to have A send me that email would be heartbreaking. absolutely heartbreaking. god. i move again soon. i moved this saturday back home as my sister and i haven't found a suitable place to move in together yet. we're moving in with my sister's friend and her boyfriend, so it'll be cheaper and a little more fun. we have found a great place but just need to fill out the application forms. fingers crossed. those last five |