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< w. | posted at 9:24 pm on October 30, 2003 > i realised something today. well, something i've always known, but i guess i thought about it again today.i want to be an artist and yet i work in a big multinational franchise known as fox studios. sure, it's for an independent magazine, but it's based in a big multinational franchise known as fox studios. i am politically left and yet during a discussion regarding george w. bush today i didn't know shit about anything and didn't say a word. in principle i believe the idea that do what you enjoy in life and you will be happy, but i still want to make loads of money. i feel embarrassed towards some people telling them i went to a private school, and proud to others. i want to create art, but i like brand name clothing. it's personal satisfaction i seek, yet i want external kudos. and i want to look good when i get it. this all came from an in-pub conversation with a boy i like who does photography with me. and i felt so hypocritical around him because he is so much wiser than me, and more comfortable with himself, and i feel self-conscious everywhere i go, and he has a very pretty girlfriend. i need to get away! oh but in good news i almost fucked my negs again - but didn't - they fell out just at the end of developing... the three reels from my tank can you believe it? so i just stuffed them back in and put in a whole lot of stop bath. then moped and complained and annoyed roy (who i believe is the best candidate for australian queer eye for the straight guy EVER - quote 'let's have a party at my place, and we can go out afterwards. i mean, oxford st is just a hop, skip and a jump away. and a taxi ride.') for twenty minutes and then jumped for joy as they turned out fine, happy happy, maybe a little dark round the sprockets but that's fine. those last five |