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< well they're slipping right through my hands | posted at 8:56 pm on June 23, 2003 > familiar feeling of insecurity and inadequacy, also that paranoia that people are talking badly of me, and as the veil falls off my workplace i am feeling like i don't belong there. swing between feeling that i am either terribly bored with it all or that i am terribly underqualified and doing such an utter mess of a job that it is only a matter of time before they realise that i am not miss wonderchild.in any case my countenance around the place remains steady - i am the bubbly talkative young one who wears mittens and reads harry potter with a pink ribbon as a bookmark. i am the child who knows too much. right-o. perhaps this descends because i am working too much. i don't want to be there nine to five every day for these six 'holiday' weeks, probably down to three or four now, god knows. i am losing track of time. the days blur together. they never used to blur together - i did something different each day; job here, job there; study here; a day of daytime tv and passions at home there. i need stimulation and perhaps this will drive me to do something more creative with my life and achieve more, as i don't feel i am currently achieving enough. have also noticed the influx of verbosity that i seem to have procured. whatever. don't fit in at work, don't fit in with friends... am getting the increasing feeling that i am floating with no end and no proper place. in any case. it will pass. i am sure of it, well, at least kind of sure. can't talk now. reading potter. those last five |