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< would you say i'm never gonna tell you | posted at 8:30 pm on June 24, 2003 > your preliminary very simplified guide to publishing the magazinethree steps (in our case): printers, insertion and mailout place, newsagency distribution place. each place needs a certain amount of time to do what they're supposed to do. for example, printers need on average 10 days. insertion and mailout place need 2 days for insertions - a few more for mailout. newsagency distribution place need ABSOLUTE minimum 5 days for trucking around and delivering to newsagents to get said magazine on sale by the bible of dates called the on sale date (appropriate, as it were). now this particular month, our on sale date is set at 30th june. short version of my SHIT SHIT DAY details me finding out that insertion place had not yet received magazines even though our instructions CLEARLY STATED that they were to receive magazines YESTERDAY so that DISTRIBUTION COULD HAVE THEM BY TOMORROW SO THEY COULD TRUCK AROUND TO NEWSAGENTS! my SHIT DAY entailed printers trying to lay the blame on me and me getting stressed out entirely because this is my first time managing the production side, with noone there telling me how to run things or any help whatsoever, so it was entirely possible that i could have fucked up. as it was it was NOT my fault, i gave the printers a bit of a nice assertive earful as to what i thought about them trying to MAKE IT my fault and in the end we are sticking to the on sale date as per first agreement. one word. fuckers. how dare they make me feel inadequate at this particular point in time where i am already feeling inadequate and insecure? i am sitting there shitting myself wondering whether it was, perhaps my fault, hoping that my bosses don't think i am not responsible enough to handle finding the dates for these things, and such and such. as it turns out they admitted they were wrong, but they did make things a huge annoying hassle for the rest of us. and stressed me out to no end; not good when i only had one contact lens as one tore, so i was one-eyed all day; i'd forgotten my mittens so my hands were fucking freezing; not to mention a barrage of other annoying things and inadequacies i felt... it just feels wrong, all of a sudden, i don't know why. sure, today it was not my fault and it was certainly due to some very hard work by me and one of my bosses that we got things out on time anyway (long story), but i wonder that other things are my fault, i always wonder that when things go wrong it is me dropping the ball - when it involves me - i just don't fucking know anymore. just feels wrong, is all i know. something about everything that i do now feels wrong. not just work. it is only because work is what i do most that makes me notice it most at work. something... lord. it must pass. those last five |