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< isn't it lovely living in sin | posted at 10:25 am on November 20, 2003 > so many annoying things that i just don�t care to talk about at the moment.like another email from tracy (they always annoy me, and make me feel bad about myself, but i always tell myself that i�m being stupid and i should just ignore them and not answer them. maybe i should just revel in my shallowness finally. and give her the fucking boot) ... remember time number three with andy where i accidentally read a message on his phone � because it looks just like mine and i thought the �1 message received� was for me � anyway � it was from this guy named, oh, let�s call him dan. in this email blah blah blah dan is tracy�s cousin and quote �he�s good friends with andy and they always tell me funny things about one another�. is this her fucking sly way of saying that she knows we got with each other again, or something? her sly way of slipping into conversation that she still talks to him? i fucking hate her. she has such evil subtext. and noone sees it but me. there is derogatory subtext all throughout all her bloody emails and i just fucking hate her! so i guess i cared to talk about that. what else? my friend was really upset yesterday because � well it is a long story, to cut it short, that her parents won�t give her money to go on a trip. it�s a lot of money. and i�m going on part of this trip, and i am paying for myself, all the way. and she earns the same amount as me. and i do feel for her � she doesn�t know if she�ll get to go or not anymore � but she earns the same money as me, and i have saved a good lot of money. so much that the money for the trip isn�t even a third of what i�ve saved. and she could�ve done this. but she didn�t. and her complaint is � and i�m sorry to say, but it is � essentially the complaint of a spoilt girl. i can�t sympathise with it because everything in my life i pay for. mostly out of necessity, but also out of choice. you can�t go crying to mum every time you need money because you have spent all of yours when you didn�t need to. but having said that she is a good friend and i am sad that she�s upset. but after she voiced her complaints to me, i told her about how B called in and updated me on N�s cancer. stage four. this would be ok if there were ten stages. there are four stages. there are more details but i don�t want to write about it. it�s not for me to write about. but we are all being positive and things can be ok. he�s got a high survival rate. so to her credit she replies �in light of those problems, my problems are trivial�. a girl at work has just walked in traumatised because this morning she saw someone get hit by a bus. she talked to him while he was awake, but then he lost consciousness. she had to call an ambulance. she is understandably distraught. all these things and more are driving me insane. i still get that second of blankness just after i wake up which is good � only because i am still half asleep � and then i wake up and there is a pause, and then i think �oh god. i�m still alive.� as if i am surprised that this particular day is not the i will wake up dead. those last five |