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< this won't be played on your radio | posted at 10:11 pm on April 18, 2004 > i just blew my nose on my sleeve, sometimes when there's no tissues, it's all a girl can do.let's go datewise: 15th april (thurs): severely pissed off at my job. hey wait, i might've updated that day. or not. nothing much happened, except i went home and cried all night because my life is going nowhere and i feel all stagnant and i'm not growing or being or DOING anything. well, until i decided to fuck it all and go watch eternal sunshine, which, by the way, is fantastic. 16th april (fri): still severely pissed off at work, feeling terrible, and it's not gonna get better, 'cause my boss calls me into her office and wanted to chat, and asks me what's wrong, and that she knows i'm unhappy and that i've been slipping and god it's so long, but the gist of it is: a) tell her where i want to go, what i want to do, and if there's a place for me in that area then that's where i'll go. but if there isn't a place, then i have to figure out how and when i want to leave. oh it's not dire. i mean she didn't fire me. and she has a point - she needs someone in my job who's more committed to it. anyway i wasn't prepared for this, i was going to come to her in a month after she's finished her holiday and lay out everything that's been wrong with me, but she caught me off guard and i was unprepared and really not ready to say anything, i didn't even know what i wanted to say, so all i did was cry in there for an hour. so on tuesday i have to go back there, apologise for being so fucking unprofessional, and have a good talk with her... it's all come to a head, folks. this could end up being very good, or very bad. 17th april (saturday): went to semi(permanent), a design convention in darling harbour... actually i caught one session on friday then spent the day there on saturday. it was really good. it really inspires you to design and make art and get out there... so that was fun. and i got free stuff. then headed to a friend's birthday drinks, and onto a drum and bass night where i dropped a pill and saw a pretty golden girl in a beer glass. everyone was in love, even though they all wanted to kill each other. the bastard guy in the picture on the wall wouldn't talk to me, and the cigarette butt, coaster and flyer on the floor who i thought were going to make friends never did. in the corner a lot of people were having sex. then i came down hard and went straight home about 4.30. 18th april (today): slept till 3pm. came back west home (here), slept more. in fact, i'd like to sleep again... those last five |