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< i'm pushing an elephant up the stairs | posted at 10:35 pm on March 20, 2004 > i had the craziest day.was out with three friends from uni - as i'd gotten free tix to a preview screening of a film. so we'd arranged weeks ago to go see that film today. now 'jack' (see previous entries for history on 'jack'; short version is he came out to me about three weeks ago when i had a crush on him and thought he was going to ask me out) was one of these friends... and he'd planned on using today as the day to come out to the other two. and so we traipsed along to see this movie. he didn't tell them at lunch but i assumed he was going to later... the movie was a documentary on a sexual abuse case. (it's capturing (the) friedmans at selected cinemas, go see it - it really is a very good movie) anyway, since it was about this guy being charged with so-and-so counts of sodomy, it didn't really seem like the most ideal situation to come out after. so here i am sitting uncomfortably next to jack through the movie. anyway, so obviously that's to come later. the biggest thing was that on the other side of me was one of my friends who was very affected by the film due to experiences and i was sitting there, holding their hand so tight, and trying not to cry because it was so obviously incredibly emotional for them - in a bad way - and every time i think of that i cry. and i felt so bad because i was the one with the free tix who initiated the whole outing and i hadn't bothered to really find out the subject matter until it was too late, and until it would have been painfully obvious if they were to leave to the other two who were unaware of these experiences. i should have fucking found out what it was about earlier. then i could have at least told them what it was about, and given them the choice to go see it with me or not. i can't believe i didn't. and so my day was all preparing for jack to come out to the other two and feeling so incredibly terrible for other unnamed friend. and i felt so strange, i was the only one there who was aware of both of these hugely emotional things... it was strange, weird, crazy. though the movie is actually a really fantastic documentary. go see it - unless, of course, you don't want to. those last five |