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< the bad grandchild | posted at 5:36 pm on July 19, 2005 > i suppose i�d better get in here, it�s been a whole week. scene (two weeks ago):me, opening his drawer to use his moisturiser.
me: you�re running out of undies, you�ll have to use these soon (holds up pair of emergency underwear) two weeks later the offending item is still in his drawer. it causes me more and more discomfort. so the other night i told him so. i told him that sometimes i get worried because he only broke up from a five and a half year relationship four months before we got together, and because i�ve never been in a relationship of that magnitude, i have no idea what to feel, or what he�s feeling, or what he�s thinking. and that it makes me feel really weird that her underwear lingers in his drawer. so he says that yes � of course � one�s first long-term relationship makes a big impression on someone, but that he is perfectly happy with me, and that he was so �clouded� in his relationship with Previous Girl that i am like a breath of fresh air, so �warm, welcoming�... that i will never see that piece of underwear again, that the only reason it is there is out of sheer forgetfulness and absentmindedness and he doesn�t actually have any attachment to it. the whole thing, though, still made my heart hurt (physically made my heart hurt) because i know that while this is all true, this woman who i have never met and who cheated on the loveliest man in the world still has this ghostly grip on both him and me, still, although miles and miles away overseas still haunts me. this morning i was dropping something into the bin and i saw the offending item in there. so that, i suppose, is good. otherwise. i am ok. lots of things to do, lots of organising, but ok. i move in a week. my sister�s birthday is tomorrow. i have lots of work to do. i am worried about my grandparents� reaction to the existence of andrew, as they are very traditional. i will once again be the bad grandchild. sigh. those last five |