< eleventy one things | posted at 1:08 am on January 04, 2004 >

1. i hate having long finger or toenails, and i hate having any type of polish on them. they feel suffocated.

2. i play the piano, and have done so for 13 years, but i never practise.

3. i think 19 (the age i turned about three weeks ago) is a really ugly and terrible age to be.

4. i scar easily, therefore i have a lot of varying scars.

5. one on my bum from a burn in preschool.

6. when i was in preschool i saw dad shaving so i put peanut butter on my mouth and decided to try it too. i screamed and fell onto the bathroom floor. there's a scar for that too.

7. on my last day of school i was wheeling a bin and i fell into that as well and bit all the way through my lip.

8. i'm a size six australian. my weight levelled at about the age of 15 or 16 and it hasn't changed since.

9. my breasts are unusually close together which scares my friends.

10. i used to like doing maths at school but i picked a career which was completely non-maths related.

11. i wish i could speak another language.

12. or play another instrument.

13. i used to be really ashamed of being asian and tried to hide it on the internet but i just got back from a month long voyage to vietnam where i have never been and i'm no longer ashamed. i'm vietnamese.

14. i've lost friends before and it feels really bad.

15. i think i'm hornier than the average girl.

16. you probably don't want to know this but my first orgasm was when i was 12 and it took me completely by surprise.

17. i have inverted nipples which coupled with my other breast abnormality makes them really weird so i'm very self conscious about them.

18. when i was in kindergarten a boy named ryan smith gave me a ring and i said he couldn't be my boyfriend because i didn't love him, then i threw the ring on the ground.

19. i never admit when i like a boy to someone that knows them.

20. in fact i never talk about boy stuff to my friends which irritates them.

21. i get bagged out constantly about andy. all the time.

22. i'm getting used to it, i mean, i'd bag us out as well.

23. maybe it's a bad thing i don't talk about anything. i'm like 'the girl who cried i didn't get with andy again'

24. i like boys. i like being with boys.

25. one of my prize possessions is my nikon f80 camera, man i love it.

26. i really like verdana font.

27. i wear contact lenses and am lazy about cleaning them, so i may get an eye infection.

28. i embarrass myself a lot.

29. my legs are always really really white, but my arms and face tan easily, i hate that, it looks weird.

30. i don't have body issues, i have face issues.

31. i waxed my arms for the first time in november.

32. i've had five jobs in the 2.5 years i've been working.

33. i was fired from the first one because of my attitude. it was at a bakery. i think they thought i was stealing money. i think they would have realised after my leaving that i wasn't, because i'll bet my booties the money was still going missing.

34. i drink excessively some days, and not at all other days.

35. one new years eve i got really drunk and threw up then sat down and cried and cried and got really depressed because my friend had fucked me over a month before.

36. a few months later i did the same thing.

37. sometimes i still do the same thing.

38. i cry alone.

39. i hate christmas. it's too festive.

40. i wish i had more money to give away.

41. i wish i had more money to keep.

42. i'm a buddhist in the sense that i believe to become completely at peace with yourself and your place in the world, it is a completely individual crusade that is entirely internal. i don't believe in their gods, but i do believe in the concept, and i think belief is what you make it.

43. i skipped year four. looking back, maybe it was a good idea, maybe it wasn't. it only leads to a whole lot of people exclaiming about how young you are later.

44. i don't believe in new years resolutions.

45. i wash my hair once every two days.

46. i get shy when i'm outnumbered, boisterous when i'm not.

47. i get really competitive and gloaty when i play cards, so that if i start winning, noone wants to play with me anymore. i really should tone that down.

48. i love delta goodrem.

49. i have a great relationship with my family except that my parents are overly strict.

50. i think i'm a little bit slutty, but i don't care.

51. i study media arts and production at university, which is film, sound, new media, whatever i want it to be.

52. i work at a film industry magazine.

53. they go well together.

54. the pay's not great but hey, it's better than retail.

55. i may/may not be moving out soon, i'll tell you in about ten days after the decision is made.

56. i have a really big ego, but then i hate myself for having that ego, which generally overrides the ego, so i think in total i have low self esteem. but i don't know.

57. am i really only just a little over halfway through?

58. i hate when people talk about sexual things, but i like doing sexual things. but then people talk about it and i hate that.

59. i never have to bikini wax because miraculously my pubic hair grows in all the right places.

60. i've never owned a bikini, for that matter...

61. my heart aches when i see someone happy in love because i'm not.

62. i'm generally a bored person.

63. in year 10 my friends and i strung a fishing wire all the way across the school from the highest point in the school to the second highest point in the school because we wanted to see 'buck fly' - buck being our pet lime green stuffed elephant head keyring.

64. we did a test run with sticky tape and it got stuck in the middle.

65. i always have a crush on someone.

66. i have to have chocolate at least once a day.

67. i'm an insomniac.

68. i smoke occasionally socially, but not often.

69. i tried this once and it didn't turn out that great.

70. whenever a train pulls up to a station i have an urge to jump in front. it's not a suicidal thing. i just feel like jumping in front.

71. i have never known true pain or hardship, and i'm glad i know this about myself, and i want to one day because how do you understand true happiness without knowing true pain?

72. i think being depressed is beautiful, and i fall in love with depressed boys.

73. i have dreams every night and generally only remember that i had a dream.

74. i wake up and the first thing i think is 'oh god. i'm still alive'. the same thing, every morning.

75. purple used to be my favourite colour as a child, now it's yellow.

76. i don't mind sitting in the gutter.

77. i am always reading a book. i'm almost done with jack kerouac's on the road.

78. once i drove away from a petrol station with my fuel cap on the top of my car and the little door open, i had to get a new fuel cap and hope my mother didn't notice, that was ok since i wrote the car off not long later.

79. that was a pretty bad car accident and thank god everyone was ok (just whiplash you know).

80. i live an hour away from where i study and an hour and a half away from where i go to work. it sucks.

81. i like driving.

82. i'm an eavesdropper and keen observer, i don't miss anything because i'm a big nosey parker. last night i could swear two guys i know were talking about me, but i'm also very paranoid.

83. i'm scared of getting schizophrenic because i have two cousins and an uncle on different sides of the family who have it.

84. i am fascinated by languages and could read books on semantics for ages.

85. i used to be against drugs but i'm not.

86. i love the heat and hate the cold.

87. someone needs to mow our lawn.

88. i used to be in love with a boy i took the train with, i took it with him for two years and every time i missed it in the mornings i would cry.

89. i skipped a lot of classes at school, so did my friends, but the teachers couldn't get really angry at us because we did the best in the classes anyway.

90. my blood type is b positive, too bad it's not my personality type.

91. but i'm classified as ENFP by the myer briggs system, well, that was in 2000 anyway.

92. i am really naturally good at calligraphy, if i could be a calligrapher and make money i would.

93. i still don't know what i want to be when i grow up.

94. i have a grandaunt named pig and a cousin called toilet, i'm not kidding here.

95. my vietnamese name is ly.

96. i wish i went to the beach more.

97. i've kept a journal since the 17th of august, 2001.

98. i really, really, really wish i was good looking.

99. once i thought i got locked in a toilet when i was at a party, i knocked and knocked then tried to go out the window, it didn't work, tried the door again and realised i was just turning the knob the wrong way.

100. i fall down a lot.

101. i sing really loudly in the car when i'm driving.

102. i have a lot of gay male friends.

103. i have a little over seven thousand dollars in savings right now. it should have been ten but i lent a grand to my friend and i had to pay for a plane ticket, so it still sits disappointingly at seven.

104. i take a lot of cabs because i'm lazy. and always forget to claim them on tax.

105. one month after i started my current job, i got really drunk at a work function, puked in the lift with my managing director there, she took me back to the office to lie down, then she got my editor's husband to drive me somewhere after they waited for me to stop puking by a tree outside work.

106. i told a rising star that i'd sleep with him for industry connections. it was a joke, he took it seriously, i only realised afterwards how good friends he was with my workplace as they used to be based in the same building.

107. i love cinnamon.

108. when i was 13 a dingo bit my arse on fraser island. shortly afterwards i got my first period.

109. i prefer house parties to going out to bars.

110. i sleep on two mattresses, one on top of another.

111. my teeth are crooked.

man that's tough... it took me much longer than i thought. 111 things are a lot. i'm going to bed.

those last five
- - June 13, 2008
hidden - August 14, 2006
it's not me, it's you - January 30, 2006
boring. Sorry. not really. - December 22, 2005
twenty-one - December 09, 2005