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< hidden | posted at 8:07 pm on August 14, 2006 >

yeah, maybe you're right. maybe i don't understand. but don't tell me i'm being condescending when you keep pushing me away because i just 'don't get it'. maybe i do think you're wallowing in self-pity and you're being self-indulgent and you should just snap out of it. maybe i do think it's crazy that you find it hard to get out of bed and maybe i do think it's just 'cause your brain is lazy. but if you really weren't being selfish, you wouldn't have told me about it. you wouldn't have said you might burst into tears at my party and ruined it. you wouldn't have said a word. just like i never said anything to the other person when i was angry at them. you would have swallowed it. or maybe that's the nature of the beast. maybe it is just selfish. and yes, maybe my reaction to you was stupid and wrong and hardline but i'm stubborn and you didn't explain to me and maybe i don't believe you anyway. but i do remember when you called me and said you hadn't been out of bed in four days and i told you to get up and go and do something, and yes i feel bad about that. i do feel bad. i should've been there. that does really prove i don't understand. that makes me feel shit. i keep tossing and turning on this one. i wanna stop feeling crap about it. but lucky for me, i can do that. i can stop. when i tell myself to. can't everybody?

those last five
- - June 13, 2008
hidden - August 14, 2006
it's not me, it's you - January 30, 2006
boring. Sorry. not really. - December 22, 2005
twenty-one - December 09, 2005