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< oh hell, polysyllabic | posted at 10:10 pm on September 10, 2003 > we are planning a weekend away for oct 11 and 12. well, it's being planned, and i'm invited. i don't really have to do any of the planning myself, per se. i just pay and turn up and possibly drive a carload of people. there will be 10 of us, around.today friend dropped into fox for lunch with me and she asked me if i was going - she's organising - and says 'and you and andy are not allowed to get drunk on the same night. he's been warned. no sex with sarah!' (WHICH, needless to say, would be a non-event ANYWAY from my consenting point of view nonetheless)... it's very irritating how everyone (including us, we are not excluded from blame) assumes that if there are sleeping quarters and alcohol within reach of us the outcome is already decided. it's not. and definitely not this time around with me. i shudder every time i think about end of last year - and tracy - and being hurt and depressed about it all - i can't take that again. it doesn't even make me attracted to him anymore. i think of that, shudder, and don't feel like touching - or for that matter, seeing - him ever again. but i can't promise you that in moments of weakness... oh god. i do feel a little sexually frustrated recently - the last time i got action was what - late july? early august? ok that wasn't too long ago but i think it's in light of the fact that the awards are coming up again and i'd like to have someone to take that's not just a friend, i'd like to have a proper date this year. and the way things are shaping up, it's not going to happen. i do have a crush on a nice boy in my photography class, but he has a girlfriend. we aren't going down that path again. and there's no other love interests in my life, unfortunately. i don't mind all that much. i've resolved to get my life in order, besides that minefield. i've started reading on the train instead of staring into space, i'm going to get a book that i can write things in, to stay creatively stimulated. i'm practising the piano and enjoying chopin's posthumous waltz in e minor as well as mozart's sonata k330 (the bach not so much). i plan on doing a painting too, in the near future, and the films that i shot of ross yesterday for my fourth photography assignment are going to turn out well, i can feel it. i shot on 50 iso because i liked it from the first assignment, so they'll look nice blown up. i hate grain. i'm going to take more pictures and write more and paint and play and read more. until i get lazy again, that is. those last five |