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< you feel the weight of it | posted at 9:20 pm on September 24, 2003 > i thought it was time i wrote again, though there's really not much to say. i mean, a lot of insignificant things, nothing of note that anyone besides me would be interested in. i ate a packet of tim tams today, it's getting to be a daily habit. i had a meeting regarding a new subscription delivery scheme. i started organising a 'regional distribution scheme' for a five thousand dollar government grant. i got a free tub of lanolin hand cream at central station this morning which i later found out was sticky and useless so i gave it away and sniggered about the poor old victim. i wondered if 'regional distribution schemes', giving away lanolin tubs and watching powerpoint presentations about subs delivery was going to make up the rest of my life. how utterly mundane!now i'm trying to find inspirational pictures for my photography research presentation. i'm lucky in that he split the class into alphabetical order and the people that happen to situate around my surname are people that i like and am comfortable presenting my ideas to. but i still think it a wank and a half. the final to the amazing race is on tonight! woohoo! and survivor pearl islands starts next monday... joy and happiness. the amazing race won an emmy. i love the amazing race. i walk to work every day thinking to myself, 'you said you would quit once the spark was gone. once you woke up in the morning and your stint at the mag was over. why haven't you quit? because you know the spark is gone...' i don't hate my work. but i don't love it anymore. it's not a challenge. the tensions are rising. i'm not liking what i do every day. yeah, i design the odd ad, write the odd article, but it's not enough creative stimulation. and i hate being neglected. and yet, it's still the best job i've had yet. and yet, i can't leave because it is the best job i could get with my not-yet-complete qualifications and anyone else wouldn't be as stupid as to take this opportunity for granted. but i just think i need something else outside of work, then, that makes me feel satisfied, 'cause right now, i'm just not. those last five |